Sometimes I feel like a really bad friend. =( I'm sorry if I've failed you or upset you or took advantage of you. I don't want to do that.

So...

I screw up a lot. I'm sure you all know that. The more time I spend time with God...the more I see the problems. Just be patient with me, please. Jesus and I...we're working on it. I'm sorry if I have hurt any of you in my selfishness and lack of thinking.

Living for Christ

Yup, second post of the day...and its going to be short because I have small group...but I want to write this before I forget that I was going to.

Living for Christ isn't really about our actions. Yes, they are the evidence of living for Christ...but living for Christ is so much more than just what you do. Its the attitude your heart takes towards life. Its your motives and your thoughts. Its about being submissive to God, and LOVING him with all your heart. Actions are the the outward sign of a heart that lives for Christ.

I know I don't have this down...I'm talking to myself as much as anybody right now. But I do know that this is what I want. I honestly desire to live a life for CHRIST. I know better than anybody (except God) how much help I need...but the change has to take place on the inside, with my heart posture, before anything that happens on the outside matters....

Just some of my observations and thoughts :) take it or leave it. I'm gonna choose to take it.

I just want to say how thankful I am that God is consistent. He never changes. :)

My God is INCREDIBLE.

Basically, I'm just really excited about how incredible my God is. I want to be like Jesus!
Just wanted to share that =)

I'm asking for something big.

So I have this way of being scared to ask God for big things because I'm afraid that He isn't going to come through in the way that I want or expect. But I think God is challenging my fear. It started with a paper that I'm writing for english class...though I didn't realize that it did until after something else happened. Basically, I'm writing a paper about the role of prayer in two short stories that we read. For one of them I talk about the role of prayer in petitioning God. I made the claim that God is our Father and he wants to hear the desires of our hearts...the things we want and need. That is what I believe...but putting it into practice is hard!

Okay, so the second thing...I was sitting at my desk the other day and as happens often I started wandering around airplane ticket sites...looking for good deals to Peru. I began to analyze things like I always do, and realized that if I don't go to Peru soon (before the end of ICSL's school year), everything will be different and so many of the people that make it home might be gone. So I started to get a little bit teary, and decided that I REALLY want to go home for spring break. Teary became outright crying...something that doesn't happen a lot, but recently I've had more time to think about home...and its been happening...and I honestly just cried out to God asking Him to take me home for break. This prayer came from my heart, and I know that God heard it.

So then that night I went to passion...where we were going through Hebrews. In chapter five, this verse really caught my attention:

Hebrews 5:7

"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission."

So...this verse just really spoke to me because of where I had been just hours before. I was praying fervently to God in the midst of my tears. I just asked that he would provide a way for me to go home. If God can save me from death, he can provide this for me! I know that he can! At the same time, I want God's will, and if it isn't His will for me to go home next month, I'm going to be okay. Ultimately, its about what God's will is...but he knows the desires of my heart. And I'm choosing to believe in big things. I have seen God provide so much for so many people! They just asked and believed and God gave it to them. Its not about what they did, but about God's incredible desire to bless us and answer our prayers! So whatever he has is whats best. BUT I'M BELIEVING FOR SOMETHING BIG!

You may think I'm crazy...to ask for a ticket to go home for spring break. But I don't think I am. My God is big. And He does big things. I don't have the money to buy a ticket and I don't have enough miles for a free ticket. But that doesn't keep God from his thing. So I'm praying...and I'm trusting. My God is a good God. He is so good.